Eileen Beirich, M.A., MFT
Eating Disorders & Adoption Issues
Psychotherapy Services Offered
Adoption and its issues touch many lives. Sometimes a person doesn't even know how, or even if, conflicts in their life may be connected to relinquishment and adoption. SEVEN CORE ISSUES IN ADOPTION, (c 1986 Silverstein & Kapln), effect the adoptee, the birth parent/s and the adoptive parent/s.
Those seven core issues are: LOSS, REJECTION, GUILT/SHAME, GRIEF, IDENTITY, INTIMACY and CONTROL.
If any of the following items cause feelings to arise in you that seem sad, fearful, hopeless or angry, talking to a therapist that is trained in these kinds of issues may prove to be helpful to you.
The adoptee may fear abandonment in many relationships. Issues about holding
on and letting go may seem uncomfortable.
Adoptee may blame her/himself for needing to be adopted and feel unworthy to be adopted.
Adoptee may believe she/he deserves misfortune because of shame of being different.
Adoptee may not have grieved enough the loss of their birth family and that
can cause depression and acting out. Birth parents can delay grieving for years
resulting in conflicts with relationships in their family of today.
Adoptee may behave in extreme ways, over-adaptive or rebellious, in order to
test if they belong. Birth parents can develop a sense of diminished
self-esteem that can effect present parenting of subsequent children.
Adoptee might find it fearful to get close to someone. Past experience has
so many losses in it. Bonding can be poor which can lead to poor intimacy in
relationships of childhood and adulthood, especially marriage.
Adoptee realizes that adoption alters their life course. They had no part in
the adoption decision. They can experience ineffectiveness in day to day relationships.
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Copyright ©1998 - 2006 Carol Boulware, Ph.D.
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